you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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