Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
