Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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