Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Are these your boobs on my camera?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
