im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Help. Why am I so naked?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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