Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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