Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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