I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
