i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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