Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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