Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
