you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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