If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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