I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
