I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
whose parrot is this?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
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