Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
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I need you to use more vowels.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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