remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
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