Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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