Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
