She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
