if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
