Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
