Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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