Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
