I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
