Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
