My cat gives me a boner
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
