Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
