Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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