I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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