i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
