I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
MIDGETS
????
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
