Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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