She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
did you just send me my own nude
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
