i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
