i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
