I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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