I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
