I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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