Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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