I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
