i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
