"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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