So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
