dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
