I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
