Why are handjobs necessary in class?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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