what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
farters have to be the big spoon...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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