After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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