im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize