A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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