Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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