Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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