Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
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this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize