You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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