A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
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I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
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I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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