IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
