I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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