I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
