she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
