It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
