He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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