I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
