Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
