Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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