Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
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It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
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Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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