i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
and she was petting her beer can
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
