nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
