I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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